17 Things You Need To Know When Dating Someone With Anxiety
Dating someone with anxiety can be very tricky, but if you love that person, you will do anything to be with them. You see, a relationship with someone like that can be as normal as the rest of the relationships you have had in your life if you look at it like that.
If you make a problem out of it, you will have a problem. But if you enjoy your relationship and act as normal as you can, there won’t be any bigger problems you will have to solve. What you need to know is that dating someone with anxiety can be the best thing that has ever happened to you because people like that can love unconditionally.
They don’t have any problems with going the extra mile for you, and they would do anything for real love. But before you fall for someone with anxiety, there are a couple of things you need to know. Not to be prepared for it or something, but to actually realize that life with those people can be a blessing if you recognize it in time.
1. Anxiety won’t be the biggest problem in their relationship
The thing is that when dating someone with anxiety, you don’t have to worry that it will be the biggest problem. In fact, it doesn’t need to be a problem at all. If you understand your partner and if you see that they are going through a rough time, you can be there for them.
I am not saying that you will neglect yourself and turn completely to your partner, but giving them support and telling them you are there will mean the world to them. Their mental health condition is already a big issue in their lives, and they surely don’t need someone who will make things even worse. Instead, they need a loving and caring partner, and if they have a person like that in their lives, they will be the happiest people in the world.
So, my point here is that anxiety (or relationship anxiety) is not actually a big problem until it is severe and until a person can’t function normally because of it.
2. Anxiety doesn’t make them weak
The thing I hear the most lately is that people with anxiety are weak. But you know what? That is the craziest thing I’ve heard so far. There are so many people in my life who struggle with anxiety on a daily basis, and I would never say that they have a problem.
In fact, they come off so strong and cheerful, and there is no way you could ever say that they have some mental illness. So, whoever says that anxiety makes people weak is 100% wrong. When you have anxiety, you have a different outlook on life. You fight with the demons inside you every day, and despite the fact that your whole world is falling apart, you try to be the best version of yourself.
When you have anxiety, you fight like a lioness every day because every single thing that you do takes so much effort. Even things that seem to be pretty normal for the rest of the people are things you don’t want to do because you don’t feel good doing them. It is a constant fight but you never give up. Never!
3. Anxiety can teach them lessons
Even if you never thought about that in this way, anxiety can actually teach people some valuable lessons. They can learn how to find a defense mechanism or how to function doing things they never did before. They can even learn to act calmly in situations that made them uneasy before.
They can learn how to function under stress without losing their minds. But the fact is that after all that they have gone through, they will never be the same. They will be more aware of the things that happen around them. They will cherish life because it is a blessing, and they realize that they shouldn’t take it for granted.
When dating someone with anxiety, you will learn to cherish those small things that we all take for granted. You learn to enjoy life in ways you never thought you will. You will start realizing that every new day is a new chance to become a better person. You will see that people like that ask for so little and that in fact, they don’t need anything big to make them happy.
4. They need your love and affection – every single day
People with anxiety need some extra push. That means they will need you to tell them that you love them and that their mental illness is not a burden for you. You need to let them know that no matter what happens, you will always be there and that you won’t stop loving them, even on their bad days.
Telling them that you love them every day can make them feel so much better. Things that are so small to you mean the world to them. Just one kiss, one hug, asking how their day was – it means so much to them. So, if you love your partner but you don’t know how to behave because they suffer from anxiety, just show them your love and affection. Trust me, when they see that they are important to you, they will give you their heart and soul.
They will fight for your love no matter how hard it might be. Those people won’t have a problem going the extra mile to improve your relationship because they have a clean heart and soul. They just had the bad luck to meet anxiety and be her prisoner for a big amount of time. People like that are the best to fall in love with because they will never take advantage of you. Instead, they will invest themselves all in a relationship, and they will do everything to make it work.
5. They will worry too much, but only one your touch can make them feel calm
When dating someone with anxiety, you need to know that they always think of the worst scenario that can happen. If they have problems at work, they will think that their boss will fire them. If they didn’t accept the invitation of a friend for a coffee, they will believe their friend will stop hanging out with them.
Their brain works on maximum all the time, and even when they sleep, they will wake up all the time if they have a problem to solve. In situations like that, they will need your help. When you see that they are distant and that they are listening to you but in fact, they are not present there, don’t be harsh on them. Tell them that you understand them. Tell them they can count on you. That will mean so much to them, and they will instantly feel better. A person with anxiety needs so little to feel special.
They just need someone who understands them and knows how they feel. They just need someone to whom they can tell all that is on their soul. So, please be that person. Be the one who will help them carry their burden and help them set boundaries they shouldn’t cross.
6. Anxiety is not something you can just fix
The worst thing when dating someone with anxiety is trying to fix them. You can’t be your partner’s therapist. You can’t fix them, but you can hold them while they are fixing themselves. You can be their support and someone they can count on when sorrow strikes again. Because there will be a lot of depressed moments in their lives, and you will have to learn to live with them.
When accepting someone, you need to accept all that they carry along. Otherwise, it is not love and it doesn’t make any sense. So, whatever you do, don’t think that you can control their illness. Don’t think that there are some amazing pills they need to try or some therapist they need to visit.
They are already controlled by their anxiety, and the last thing they need is to be controlled by you. So, give them a break. Be with them, but don’t talk about anxiety. Instead, talk about happy things, things you are so proud of. Talk about your plans together and how you will achieve them. That will help you to have a normal and happy relationship, and you won’t talk about problems all the time.
7. They will be nervous and scared about things that didn’t happen
When dating someone with anxiety, you need to know that they will worry about things that you don’t even think of. And the biggest problem is that their worrying too much will affect your relationship. But it is not because they want it, but because they simply can’t control it. And they know that they can be hard to handle for someone, but they hope the right one will recognize their love.
They just want someone who will be able to understand what they are going through and will try to put themselves in their shoes. Because worrying too much about things that are not so important and having someone who can’t understand why they feel like that is something they don’t want to happen to them. Having to worry about something that others don’t even think about is what happens to them every day. And living with that pressure is extremely difficult.
So, in all that mess, be someone who will tell them that you understand them and that it is okay to feel like that. Tell them that they are not crazy for worrying too much but that you will try to help them to relax a bit. When they see you are offering your help, it will be easier, and maybe but only maybe, they will learn to relax and enjoy.
8. Learn what triggers their anxiety and avoid it
When you date someone with anxiety, you definitely don’t want to hurt them. That’s why you need to learn what triggers their anxiety and try to avoid those things. For example, if your partner suffers from social anxiety, you don’t need to push her to go to social gatherings and be with people you like to talk to. She won’t know what to say among all those people, and you will feel bad for bringing her there.
Instead, let her decide when she wants to accompany you. In that way she will have complete freedom, and everything will be different. She won’t have the feeling that she needs to go somewhere but that she has an option to go somewhere with you or to stay home. Maybe if she feels good that day and if there are no panic attacks or extreme anxiety, she might come along with you.
The most important thing is to give her a chance to decide what the best is for her. Trust me, you will do her a giant favor, and she will feel good about the whole situation. In that way, you are helping her no matter how small that looks to you. To her, it is the best thing that you could do, and she will be the happiest woman alive to have someone like that in her life.
9. Their purpose is not to come off as cold and distant
If your romantic partner has anxiety, you need to know that they will come off as distant and cold sometimes. But that is not true. People with anxiety are the warmest and most loving people I know. There is so much love in them, but they don’t know how to show it. So, others who don’t have half the love they have can come off as people with bigger hearts and a lot of emotions.
But the real truth is that the anxious ones have love for the entire world, but it is very hard for them to show it to others. So, when you see that your loved one can’t show their emotions in the right way, don’t be too harsh on them because of that. It is already very difficult for them to know that they have so much to offer but they can’t express it. Instead, be their support and tell them that you understand them.
In fact, try to understand them because it will be easier to see how they actually feel. Show them that you can see all that they are going through and that you want to be their support wherever they need you. That will be the best gift you can give to them because they will finally find someone who gets them, even if they don’t have to explain anything.
10. They don’t want you to pity them
The worst thing you can say to someone with anxiety is that you pity them. I understand that you worry about them and everything, but saying something like that to them would make them feel even worse. So, don’t ever say something like that because it won’t help them. At all. Instead, praise all the good things they do because in that way, they will feel like they did a good thing.
They will feel useful, and their self-esteem will be higher. I am not saying you will tell them something like “good job” every time they park their car properly or when they eat everything from their plate. They are not kids, and you shouldn’t behave like that to them. Instead, talk to them like an adult, and tell them that they should keep up the good work when they do something good.
The most important thing in all of that is that they feel good in their own skins. If they are fulfilled with their lives, they will have more energy to do every day’s tasks more easily. If they hear only one word of support from you, they will feel like they did the most important thing that can be done. So, please don’t pity them because they are only humans. It will hurt them, and they will think they are incapable of doing the good things.
11. Their anxiety doesn’t define them
When dating someone with anxiety, you need to know that their anxiety doesn’t define them. You can’t say that they are different from the rest of the people just because they have a mental illness. They are just like you and me, but there are days when they are struggling a bit more than the rest of us.
There are days when they feel like they will burn out because of their jobs or their private problems. There are days when they don’t actually think they are worthy and capable of solving some problems. But those are just the bad days. On the good days, they even smile like the rest of us. They make fun of all the bad things that happen to them, and they believe they can do whatever it takes to make a good life for themselves. On those days, you would never say that they have a mental illness.
On days like that, they are cheerful, they smile, and you would think that they are the happiest people alive. But the catch is that there is a ton of pain behind their smile. They are just trying to put a happy mask on and to be like the rest of the people for a change. And since that is extremely hard for them, they will use a lot of energy on that. But it will be worthwhile because they will feel so alive, and it will be the best feeling for them.
12. They need you to accept them just the way they are
People with anxiety are aware of the fact that there are days when they will be different from the rest of the people. But they know that days like that will pass and that they have to get up every morning and fight the most important battle – the one for their lives. They are already struggling to act as normal as they can, especially if they are suffering from severe anxiety, and that’s why they need you to accept them just the way they are.
That means they don’t need you to tell them what to do and how to behave to feel better but to be okay with every decision they make. And if you do that, it will mean the world to them. It will mean that their voice has been heard and that someone is actually paying attention to them.
You see, accepting someone with anxiety isn’t anything different from accepting someone who doesn’t have it. It is all about if you like the person or you don’t. If you like them, you will accept anything that happens to them, and if you don’t like them, you will never be able to find a middle ground with them. As simple as that.
13. They need you to listen to them
If your partner is suffering from anxiety, they will need you to listen to them more than anything. That means focusing on what they say and trying to help them with your advice. If you can’t help them or if you see that the topic is pretty delicate, you don’t need to give them any answers but at least be there to listen to what they have to say.
Sometimes, things look different when you say them out loud. In that way, they get the different meaning, and you can actually realize things you couldn’t before. So, when your partner speaks, listen to them. They are probably telling you things that they can’t tell to anyone else, and they see you as some sort of a savior.
Trust me, it took them so much time to get the courage to open up to you. And if they already made an effort to do that, be their support and ask them how you can help them. They will tell you if they need help at that time or only someone who will listen to them. They will see that you are someone they can tell everything to, and they will be completely honest with you.
14. Don’t push them to do things they don’t want to
Living with anxiety is not easy at all, and that is something you need to know if you date someone with anxiety. Those people literally fight every day and pushing them to do things they are not comfortable with will just make it all worse. So, if they don’t feel good doing something you like, you can do it by yourself.
If you push them, they will just get nervous, and they will have a panic attack because they won’t know what to do and how to act in a situation that is new for them. So, whatever you do, don’t be the one who will cause them extra stress and pressure. Instead, be their calm harbor, their person they can always count on. If they see that you get them and that you are leaving them to decide what is best for them, they will appreciate it very much.
That will just show them how much of a support you are to them, and they will love you for that. And that is what they need in the end. Someone who will understand that their mental illness is not a big deal and that with united forces, they can solve every bump on the road.
15. They will have mental breakdowns
Yes, they will have mental breakdowns, and they will tell you they are sorry for it every time it happens. But the truth is that they actually can’t control it. Anxiety is something that is a part of them, but they don’t know all about it yet. Sometimes they will get nervous because of the smallest things, but sometimes some big problems won’t be so big for them. It all depends on their day and the phase they are into.
When they have a mental breakdown, they will act like someone you don’t recognize anymore, but that isn’t their fault at all. They simply can’t affect it, and they are sorry that you have to watch all that is happening to them. They know that you might leave because they are all mess, but on the other hand, they would love if you could stay and fight that battle with them.
They just want to see that you care and that you want to help by staying there and being the wall they can lean on.
16. They will be the most loving people you will ever have in your life
When dating someone with anxiety, you will learn so many important things. You will learn to cherish life and your health. You will learn that a healthy man has 1000 wishes, but a sick one has only one wish. And you will realize that life can turn into the worst nightmare in just one night.
But what is most important, you will learn to respect the person fighting anxiety. You will be so proud of the person that lives with you, trying to be the best version of themselves when they are with you while their whole world is falling apart. You will see that people with anxiety actually fight every day to have as normal a day as they can.
And you will be so proud of them—for their strength, their energy, their positivity that they somehow bring out. You will be proud of them because with all their problems, they will think of you and your well-being. They will sacrifice things that mean so much to them, so you would feel better. And you know why? Because they love you and because they see everything that you are doing for them.
That is something they will never forget, and they will think how lucky they were to actually have you in their lives. And what is most important, they will never take you for granted.
17. They get emotional over the smallest things
People with anxiety can get very emotional over the smallest things. They will cry when watching a sad movie or when reading a sad book. They feel everything so strongly, and that’s why they seem to be like someone who is crying over everything. But that doesn’t make them weak.
That just means they were too strong for too long. They are very empathetic, and they can feel other people’s pain. They don’t need to ask someone if they are okay because they can see that by just looking them in the eye. If you have people like this in your life, just know that you have people who will know how you feel in every moment and who will see that your struggle is real.
They will do anything to make you feel better because they know what it feels like to be sad or depressed the whole time. People with anxiety make the best friends and love partners because love is the most important emotion of them all. When they love, they give all in. They want it all or nothing at all.
They will always be the ones who will go the extra mile in a relationship. They will always show you how much they love and cherish you, and they will never take you for granted.
