19 “Typical” Relationship Practices That in Reality Involve Emotional Abuse

Not all abuse leaves bruises. Some of it hides in plain sight—dressed up as jokes, rules, “just being honest,” or how relationships are supposed to be.

The truth is, emotional abuse often disguises itself as love, concern, tradition, or “normal.” But just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s healthy.

Read about 19 relationship behaviors that many people consider “normal” but are subtle forms of emotional abuse—so you can name them, unlearn them, and protect your peace.

1. Keeping score of every mistake you’ve ever made

This isn’t accountability—it’s control through guilt. Imagine every misstep, every small error, etched into memory, used as ammunition in future arguments. It’s like living under a magnifying glass, where imperfection isn’t just human; it’s a crime.

When your past stumbles become a ledger of wrongdoings, it’s not love keeping score; it’s control. True love doesn’t tally up faults; it embraces the imperfect dance of partnership without wielding your past against you. Feeling constantly reminded of every slip-up is not a nurturing environment—it’s emotional sabotage.

2. Using the silent treatment instead of healthy communication

Silence as punishment isn’t maturity. It’s manipulation. It’s like sitting in a room filled with the loud echo of unsaid words, where silence becomes a weapon sharper than any insult. When silence is wielded as a tool to control, it’s not peace it brings but confusion and distress.

A relationship where communication is cut off like a light switch isn’t fostering growth; it’s planting seeds of doubt and fear. Healthy communication is the backbone of any partnership, and when replaced with silence, it’s not just words that are lost but trust and connection too.

3. Mocking or ridiculing your emotions

Calling you “too sensitive” or laughing when you cry? Emotional invalidation. Picture this: your heart laid bare, only to be met with ridicule instead of understanding. When your feelings are belittled, it’s not just your emotions that feel small; it’s your self-worth.

Mockery doesn’t foster closeness; it creates walls, leaving you isolated within your relationship. True empathy involves listening, understanding, and validating, not dismissing. It’s not about agreeing with every feeling but respecting its existence and impact on you.

4. Jealousy disguised as love

“I just care about you so much.” No—jealousy is not romance. It’s a red flag. It’s affection twisted into possessiveness, where love’s gentle embrace becomes a vice-like grip. Jealousy isn’t about adoration; it’s about ownership. When love is shackled by insecurity, it’s not flourishing; it’s suffocating.

True love liberates and trusts, cultivating a space where individuality thrives alongside togetherness. When suspicion and envy replace trust and respect, love’s song becomes a discordant note, echoing insecurity rather than harmony.

5. Controlling who you talk to or spend time with

If they’re isolating you from family or friends “for your good,” it’s not protection—it’s power. Envision a world shrinking around you, where connections are severed under the guise of care. Isolation isn’t about safety; it’s about control, stripping away the support and love that exist beyond your partner.

A relationship should build, not break your network of connections. Healthy love encourages bonds, nurturing a diverse tapestry of relationships where you’re supported, loved, and free. Controlling who you engage with isn’t love—it’s tyranny.

6. Making all decisions and shutting down your input

A relationship isn’t a dictatorship. Your voice matters. It’s a world where decisions are made for you, not with you, where your choices and opinions vanish into silence. In such a dynamic, individuality is not cherished but erased.

Love should be a dialogue, not a monologue, where both voices harmonize in mutual respect and understanding. When your input is dismissed, it’s not just words that are lost; it’s your sense of self and autonomy. True partnership thrives in balanced dialogue, not unilateral decree.

7. Blaming you for their emotions or behavior

“If you didn’t do ____, I wouldn’t have gotten so mad.” That’s not love—that’s emotional manipulation. It feels like your partner’s emotions are tethered to your every move, like you’re the puppet master being blamed for every string pulled.

This blame game isn’t about accountability; it’s about shifting responsibility, leaving you drowning in guilt and confusion. Love should be a safe harbor where emotions are navigated together, not a blame battleground where one is held hostage by another’s emotional storms. It’s not love if it’s blame dressed as accountability.

8. Telling you what to wear or how to look

Controlling your appearance under the guise of “just trying to help” is abuse, not advice. Like a mirror reflecting not your choices but theirs—where your individuality fades beneath the weight of imposed standards. Love celebrates who you are, not who they want you to be.

When your appearance becomes a canvas for their expectations, it’s not enhancement; it’s erasure. True love appreciates and uplifts your self-expression, fostering confidence and autonomy, not conformity. Dressing for love should mean feeling good in your skin, not theirs.

9. Dismissing your accomplishments or dreams

If they constantly downplay your goals or make you feel small when you succeed, that’s emotional sabotage. Your triumphs are met with a shrug, your dreams treated as flights of fancy. Love should be your biggest cheerleader, not your harshest critic.

When your aspirations are belittled, it’s not support you’re receiving but sabotage. True partnership involves celebrating each other’s victories, no matter how small, and fostering an environment where dreams are nurtured, not neglected. Your dreams deserve to soar, not be shot down.

10. Rewriting arguments so you’re always the wrong one

This is gaslighting. It makes you question your memory and your sanity. It’s a world where reality bends and shifts, where truth is a mirage. It’s not you who’s mistaken; it’s the story being rewritten to cast you as the villain.

Love should be a sanctuary of trust and clarity, not a hall of mirrors where you doubt your reflection. When arguments end with you perpetually in the wrong, it’s not resolution you’re reaching but manipulation. Real love doesn’t obscure the truth; it illuminates it.

11. Withholding affection or intimacy as punishment

Love shouldn’t be used as a weapon. Warmth and affection become tools of control, denied when you misstep. True love isn’t conditional on behavior; it’s steadfast and unwavering. When intimacy is withheld as punishment, it’s not just affection that’s lost but trust and security too.

Love thrives in an environment of unconditional acceptance, where warmth isn’t rationed out as a reward but given freely, reflecting true connection and care. Affection should be a constant, not a commodity, fostering closeness and trust.

12. Spying on your phone, email, or social media

Lack of trust isn’t romantic—it’s a violation of your privacy and autonomy. Envision your digital life under constant surveillance, where trust is replaced by suspicion and control. Love should be a bastion of privacy and respect, where boundaries are honored, not breached.

When your personal space becomes a battleground, it’s not security being built but barriers. True love respects individuality and trust, fostering a sanctuary where privacy is cherished, not compromised. Monitoring isn’t protection; it’s a prison of doubt and insecurity.

13. Joking about your insecurities in public

If it hurts, it’s not funny. And if they don’t stop when asked, it’s abusive. Like a spotlight turned harshly on your vulnerabilities, your insecurities paraded as punchlines. Laughter should uplift, not undermine your sense of self. When jokes cross the line into cruelty, they’re not expressions of love but of power.

True affection respects boundaries and nurtures self-esteem, creating an environment where you’re cherished, not chastised. Humor should bridge hearts, not break them, fostering warmth and joy, not discomfort and embarrassment.

14. Creating chaos to keep you off-balance

Unpredictability, drama, or constant tension keep you emotionally dependent. It’s a rollercoaster where calm is only the prelude to chaos, designed to keep you grasping for solid ground. Love shouldn’t feel like a storm you must weather alone; it should be the shelter you seek solace in.

When drama becomes the norm, it’s not passion igniting but instability binding you in uncertainty. Real love steadies and supports, fostering stability and security, not turbulence and turmoil. It’s not love if it thrives on chaos; it’s a trap.

15. Pressuring you to move faster than you’re ready

Whether it’s moving in, getting married, or becoming physically intimate, pushing is a control tactic, not romance. Your life’s pace is dictated by another, where your comfort and readiness are overshadowed by urgency and pressure. Love should blossom in its own time, respecting personal boundaries and pace.

When control masquerades as love, it’s not a partnership you’re nurturing but a power imbalance. True love honors mutual readiness and consent, ensuring both partners feel secure and respected in every step of the journey together.

16. Saying “no one else would love you like I do”

This isn’t love—it’s fear-based manipulation. Imagine love painted as a scarce resource, with fear as its brush, convincing you that you’re unworthy of more. Such words aren’t about cherishing uniqueness but instilling doubt about your value.

True love doesn’t confine or threaten; it liberates and affirms, nurturing a belief in your inherent worth. When love’s embrace becomes a cage, it’s not comfort you’re feeling but constraint. Real love doesn’t bind with fear; it sets free with trust and support.

17. Making you feel guilty for setting boundaries

Healthy love respects boundaries. It doesn’t punish you for having them. Picture the courage it takes to draw a line, only to be met with guilt and resistance. Love should honor personal space and autonomy, not challenge them. When boundaries are seen as barriers, it’s not respect being shown but disregard.

Healthy relationships cherish the individuality of each partner and boundaries are celebrated as healthy and necessary. Setting limits isn’t rejection; it’s self-preservation and respect.

18. Making everything about them, even your pain

If they find a way to center themselves every time you’re hurting, that’s not empathy—it’s ego. Your pain is redirected to orbit someone else’s perspective, your needs eclipsed by theirs. Love should be a haven where empathy reigns, not ego.

When your hurt is minimized in favor of their narrative, it’s not understanding you’re receiving but neglect. True compassion involves stepping into your partner’s world, offering solace and understanding without overshadowing their experience with your own.

19. Using love as a reason to avoid accountability

“I said that because I love you.” No. Real love doesn’t excuse harm. Affection becomes a shield, deflecting responsibility and dodging accountability. Such words are not about protecting love but about evading the consequences of actions.

True love stands in the light of truth and responsibility, acknowledging missteps and striving for growth. When love is used to mask harm, it’s not nurturing,it’sre experiencing but negation. Real love acknowledges faults and seeks resolution, fostering a space of honesty and healing.