15 Friendship Types Psychologists Suggest You Should Avoid

Friendship should be your haven, a place of trust and support, not a minefield of confusion and exhaustion. Yet, many of us cling to friendships out of obligation or nostalgia, even when they’re slowly sucking the life out of us.

Psychologists warn that certain friendships can be emotionally draining and damaging to your self-esteem. It’s time to identify these toxic ties and reconsider their place in your life.

This isn’t about cutting people off impulsively but recognizing red flags that signal unhealthy dynamics.

By understanding these friendship types, you empower yourself to cultivate more fulfilling connections and create space for those who truly uplift you. Let’s explore the friendships to be wary of, so you can nurture relationships that genuinely enrich your life.

1. The One-Way Friend

Ah, the classic one-way street of friendships. You know the type—they’re all about coming to you when they need a shoulder to cry on or a ride to the airport. But when you’re the one in need, it’s like shouting into the void. It’s exhausting.

It’s essential to recognize that friendships should be mutual, involving give and take from both sides. If you’re always the giver, it’s time to reevaluate. This dynamic can leave you feeling underappreciated and, quite frankly, used. You deserve someone who will show up for you just as much as you show up for them.

Like a well-balanced seesaw, it’s not about keeping score but about the natural ebb and flow of support. So next time you find yourself doing all the heavy lifting, ask yourself if this friendship is truly serving you. After all, you deserve friends who contribute equally to your life.

2. The Cold Competitor

We’ve all had that friend who turns every little win of yours into a silent competition. You get a promotion, they immediately start talking about their job hunt. Just got engaged? They suddenly have a list of wedding plans for themselves. It’s like they can’t help but turn your joy into their race track.

The cold competitor is less a friend and more a rival. Their inability to celebrate your victories genuinely can eat away at your self-worth and make you question your achievements. It’s crucial to have cheerleaders who are genuinely happy for your success and not trying to one-up you.

Remember, someone else’s success doesn’t diminish yours. If you feel constant comparison creeping into your friendship, it might be time to create some distance. Seek friendships where mutual encouragement is the norm, not a battlefield of egos.

3. The Passive-Aggressive Friend

Ah, the passive-aggressive friend—the one who can deliver a compliment that feels like a slap in the face. You know the drill: “Oh, you look nice today—for once.” It’s exhausting having to decode sarcasm and hidden meanings. These friends never tell you what’s really on their minds, opting instead for veiled comments that leave you second-guessing.

This leaves you walking on eggshells, constantly trying to figure out what they’re thinking. It can be draining and damaging to your self-confidence. The key here is communication. Try addressing the behavior directly. If they’re unwilling to change, it might be worth reconsidering the friendship.

Life’s too short to spend it deciphering someone else’s mixed signals. Surround yourself with people who are straightforward and sincere, because you deserve relationships built on honesty and clarity.

4. The High-Maintenance Emotional Drainer

We all have that friend who seems to think life is a perpetual soap opera, starring themselves. Every interaction turns into a therapy session where you’re the unpaid therapist. You spend hours nodding sympathetically while they unload their never-ending drama.

It’s not that you don’t care, but there’s a limit to how much emotional labor you can provide. High-maintenance emotional drainers can leave you feeling depleted and overwhelmed. It’s essential to set boundaries and ensure your emotional well-being isn’t compromised.

Try gently steering the conversation towards lighter topics or setting limits on how long you can talk about their problems. A true friend will respect your boundaries, while a drainer will push back or guilt-trip you. Don’t be afraid to reassess the friendship if it constantly leaves you feeling like you’ve run a marathon without moving an inch.

5. The Gossip Generator

You know this friend well—the one who always has the latest scoop on everyone else’s business. Gossip generators thrive on drama and aren’t shy about spreading rumors. The problem? If they’re gossiping about others to you, chances are they’re doing the same about you to others.

Trust becomes a fragile thing when surrounded by whispers and secrets. It’s a dangerous game that can leave you feeling exposed and vulnerable. It’s essential to be cautious about what you share with them, as your secrets might not remain secret for long.

Friendships should be built on trust and loyalty, not a web of tales and deceit. If a friend can’t maintain confidentiality, it might be worth considering whether they truly have your best interests at heart. Seek out friends who value discretion as much as you do, and leave the drama queens to their theatrics.

6. The Shape-Shifter

Shape-shifters are those friends who seem to have a different personality depending on who they’re with. With you, they might be the life of the party, but with others, they’re suddenly a wallflower. This inconsistency can leave you feeling like you never truly know where you stand.

It’s unsettling when a friend seems to mold themselves to fit every situation instead of being authentic. Such behavior can make you question their honesty and reliability. Authenticity is crucial in any friendship, and shape-shifters challenge this fundamental principle.

If you find their behavior troubling, try having an open conversation about it. True friends will appreciate your honesty and strive to be more genuine. In the end, it’s important to surround yourself with people who are unapologetically themselves, and not those who change personas like they’re changing hats.

7. The Boundary Breaker

Boundaries are essential in any friendship. They protect your emotional health and ensure mutual respect. However, some friends view boundaries as mere suggestions and constantly push past them. This might mean ignoring your need for space or prying into personal matters you prefer to keep private.

Boundary breakers often act offended when you try to protect yourself, flipping the script to make you feel guilty. It’s crucial to communicate your boundaries clearly and consistently. While setting boundaries can be difficult, it’s necessary for your well-being.

If a friend continues to disregard your limits despite being told, it might be time to reconsider the relationship. Choose to invest your energy in friendships that respect your boundaries and understand their importance. True friends will value your comfort and won’t make you feel guilty for asserting yourself.

8. The Friend Who Mirrors Your Insecurities

This is the friend who seems to amplify every self-doubt you whisper. They nod in agreement when you berate yourself and sometimes even add fuel to your inner critic’s fire. Instead of helping you grow, they keep you shackled to your insecurities.

It’s as if they see you through a lens that magnifies your flaws, rather than your strengths. This can be detrimental to your self-esteem and personal growth. Friendships should uplift and encourage, not hold you back. It might be worth having a candid conversation to address how their behavior affects you.

If they can’t support you in overcoming your insecurities, it may be time to step back. Focus on fostering relationships with those who celebrate your strengths and encourage your growth, so you can become the best version of yourself without unnecessary negativity holding you back.

9. The “Backhanded Compliment” Friend

We all know someone who manages to twist a compliment into a subtle insult. These backhanded compliments can chip away at your self-worth over time. It’s the friend who says, “Wow, you look good today,” leaving you questioning if you normally don’t.

This type of friend might think they’re being funny or clever, but it often comes at the expense of your feelings. Such behavior can create a toxic environment where you constantly second-guess their intentions. It’s important to call out these comments and clarify that they’re hurtful rather than humorous.

True friends lift you with genuine praise, not backhanded remarks. If they continue to deliver these disguised insults despite your feedback, it might be time to distance yourself. Seek friends who offer support and kindness, creating a space where you feel valued and appreciated for who you truly are.

10. The Flake

The flake is the friend who always cancels at the last minute or shows up late, leaving you hanging. You find yourself constantly rearranging your schedule to accommodate them, only to be let down repeatedly. It’s frustrating and can make you feel like you’re putting more effort into the friendship than they are.

This behavior shows a lack of respect for your time and commitment. It might be worth having an honest conversation about reliability and expectations. If they continue their flaky habits without making an effort to change, it might be time to step back.

Your time is valuable, and friendships should be reciprocal, not one-sided. Invest your energy in people who respect your time and demonstrate commitment. Remember, you deserve friends who are as excited and committed to spending time with you as you are with them.

11. The Emotional Wall

An emotional wall is a friend who never opens up or shares their true feelings, leaving you to carry the emotional workload. You end up sharing your deepest thoughts while they remain a mystery, shielded behind their wall. This lack of reciprocity can lead to an imbalanced friendship, where you feel exposed and unsupported.

Friendships should be about mutual sharing and understanding, not a one-sided emotional dive. If you find yourself in this situation, it might be helpful to gently encourage them to share more. Let them know that you’re there to listen and support them.

However, if they consistently refuse to let you in, it might be time to reconsider the friendship. Seek out connections where both parties feel safe to open up and be vulnerable. You deserve friendships that are emotionally fulfilling and not just one-way streets.

12. The Energy Vampire

Ever notice how some people leave you feeling exhausted after every interaction? These energy vampires sap your vitality, leaving you feeling drained and depleted. It’s as if they feed off your energy without giving anything in return. These friendships can be taxing, making you dread even the simplest of interactions.

It’s essential to manage your energy reserves and set boundaries with such friends. Limit your interactions and prioritize self-care to recharge. If a friend consistently leaves you feeling exhausted, it might be time to reevaluate their place in your life.

Surround yourself with people who energize and inspire, rather than deplete you. Choose to invest in friendships where both parties contribute positively to each other’s lives, fostering a sense of balance and mutual support. You deserve connections that leave you feeling revitalized, not worn out.

13. The Friend Who’s Stuck in the Past

We all have memories we cherish, but some friends seem to live permanently in the past. They’re always reminiscing about the “good old days,” resistant to change and growth. This friend might hold you back from embracing new experiences or evolving into a better version of yourself.

It’s like they’re stuck in a time warp, unable to move forward. While nostalgia has its place, it’s important to live in the present and plan for the future. Encourage them to explore new interests and embrace change. However, if they continue to cling to the past and discourage your growth, it might be time to reassess the friendship.

Surround yourself with friends who support your journey towards growth and new adventures. You deserve companions who are excited about the future and not just dwelling on what used to be.

14. The Chaos Magnet

Chaos magnets are friends who seem to perpetually live in a storm of drama and crisis. Every day brings a new disaster, and you find yourself constantly playing the role of the rescuer. While helping friends in need is part of friendship, being constantly pulled into their whirlwind of chaos can be exhausting.

You become an unpaid therapist, always on call for the next crisis. It might be time to set boundaries and protect your peace. Encourage them to seek professional help if needed and gently remind them that you can’t always be their savior. Friendships should be a source of support, not stress.

If their chaotic lifestyle continues to drain you, consider stepping back. Prioritize friendships that bring joy and stability, and invest in connections that are mutually supportive and drama-free. You deserve a peaceful life, not one constantly engulfed in chaos.

15. The Friend Who Makes You Feel Small

This is the friend who always manages to make you feel “less than”—less attractive, less successful, less worthy. It’s as if they take pleasure in highlighting your perceived shortcomings, leaving you feeling small. Such friendships are toxic and can chip away at your self-esteem.

A true friend should lift you and make you feel valued, not belittle you. It’s important to recognize when someone’s behavior is damaging to your self-worth. Consider addressing their behavior directly and expressing how it affects you.

If they refuse to change and continue to make you feel inadequate, it might be time to step away. Surround yourself with friends who celebrate your achievements and uplift your spirit. You deserve to feel valued and appreciated for who you are, without being overshadowed by someone else’s insecurities.